Loyalty
by Chainsofreality
Summary: Dwalin is haunted by nightmares about things he could have done in the past. But the present has more pressing matters he's forgetting about. Set post Hobbit


**SPOILER WARNING**

I awoke to my husband tossing and turning, sweat glistening on his brow as he groaned. Another nightmare. They were frequent nowadays.

I shook him, trying to wake him up. "Dwalin!" I yelled. "Wake up!"

He suddenly jolted up in our bed, already reaching for his axe nearby. I grabbed his arm before he could pick it up.

"Love, you're dreaming." I tried my best to calm him down.

He looked around wildly for a few moments before letting his broad shoulders slump down, and he rubbed his face with his hands, his breathing gradually slowing.

"Another nightmare?" I asked, laying my hand on his shoulder.

He nodded. "Thorin. Fili, Kili. I could have saved them. But I didn't. It's my fault-," his voice cracked and he took a deep breath.

"Love, you did all you could. Worrying about the past won't change anything."

"What do you know about it, Kigga?!" he suddenly snapped. "You weren't there. I was. It's my fault they were buried!" His voice steadily rose.

"Dwalin-"

"My allegiance lay with Thorin Oakenshield, and I failed him when it mattered most!" he yelled at me.

Suddenly a weak cry echoed down to our room, which soon turned into a wail.

I groaned, "You woke Thalin," then wearily got up to go to our child's room.

He was squirming in his crib, his small face wrinkling as he cried loudly. I plucked him from where he lay, and cradled him in my arms, rocking him.

"Hush," I murmured, but Thalin kept wailing, his tiny mouth open wide.

I tried singing him a lullaby, rocking him, burping him, holding him over my shoulder, cradling him, feeding him, and putting him back in his crib, but he kept crying as loud as ever.

Dwalin's loyalty was the death of him. Or nearly so. He had nightmares almost every night, and I got as little sleep as he did, not to mention the times I had to wake up again to tend to Thalin added to that. The lack of sleep was taxing, and my baby felt twenty pounds heavier in my arms because of it.

I heard my husband's steps behind me, and he appeared at the doorway, leaning on the doorframe.

I looked tiredly at him, my eyelids heavy and my arms burning as I rocked out wailing child. His gaze was compassionate, and apologetic.

"Forgive me for yelling at you," he mumbled awkwardly.

He was never good at apologizing, and I managed a smile. "Don't worry, Dwalin. I understand why you were angry." I turned my attention to the baby and murmured, "Hush, hush." His crying didn't cease.

"You look exhausted," he observed.

I laughed, "That's because I am. I haven't had a good night's sleep in... I don't even remember."

He approached me slowly, his footsteps heavy, then wrapped his thick arms around my waist from behind. "He's quite the bawler."

I chuckled. "Perhaps he may one day be blessed with the unwavering devotion that his father possesses."

Thalin was still crying, and Dwalin removed his arms from around me. I turned, and placed our babe in his strong arms. Dwalin's mouth curled into a smile as he looked down at his son. Thalin's tiny fists moved in the air, and his little legs kicked outward as he continued to cry.

"Shhh..." he whispered softly.

Thalin's voice began to get a little quieter, and his fists uncurled to lay on his father's broad chest.

"That's it."

His son's face lost its wrinkles as he relaxed, looking up with big brown eyes at his father. He gurgled contentedly and smiled as Dwalin gently rocked him. Soon he was completely asleep, his small chest rising and falling steadily.

I shook my head. "I don't know how you do it."

He placed our sleeping baby back in the cradle with a soft chuckle.

"You have a new responsibility now," I said. "You have a son to raise. Your allegiance resides in him now. Stop worrying about the past. The past is history. Instead, place your mind in the present, where your son is. He needs a father. A good one, at that. He's the greatest and hardest responsibility you can have. But he will be worth it when we see him grown up as the great dwarf I know he will become. Your son needs you."

Dwalin looked intently at me, absorbing what I had just said. He smiled softly. "You're right. You always have the right thing to say for me, Kigga. But you forget, my loyalty not only belongs to our son, but to you as well."

There was a moment of silence before I mumbled, "Let's get back to bed."

We returned to our room and slipped under the blankets, grateful to finally get some sleep. I was nearly unconscious when I heard Dwalin say something.

"Kigga?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

I smiled warmly, "You're welcome, my love."

After that night, Dwalin ceased to have nightmares about the things he felt he was responsible for in the past. Instead, he focused his waking hours on his responsibility for his family. He needed something to place his loyalty in, and when he placed it on our son and me rather than the past, he slept soundly at night. Except, of course, the times Thalin woke us up, but Dwalin had a knack for rocking him to sleep. I was grateful for his steadfast devotion, for we had three other children, who all grew up to fill me with pride, because of Dwalin's unfailing loyalty.

**Please review! Give me any comments, tips, constructive criticism, or ideas for another fanfiction. They're all welcome!**


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